The best books to read about the mother-daughter relationship

Why am I passionate about this?

My passion started as a personal quest in my twenties, struggling with my relationship with my own mother. When my daughter was born, I knew that I could not repeat the difficult dynamics between my mother and I. What started as a personal quest to understand the underlying dynamics between mothers and daughters quickly grew into a professional quest. Today, I have worked as a mother-daughter therapist with thousands of mothers and daughters of all ages and from different countries and cultures and have developed the Mother-Daughter Attachment® model that helps therapists and mothers and daughters uncover the hidden dynamics in their relationship and create a roadmap for change.


I wrote...

Book cover of The Mother-Daughter Puzzle: A New Generational Understanding of the Mother-Daughter Relationship

What is my book about?

The Mother-Daughter Puzzle will change how women see themselves and their mother-daughter relationship. With sensitivity and respect for the hurt, anger, guilt, and blame that are so often felt by mothers and daughters, this book teaches the reader how to peel back the layers and examine their own mother-daughter history. 

Using the tool of mother-daughter history mapping, women can ‘connect the dots’ between what is happening between you and your mother or daughter, and the stories of how the women in your generational family have been treated. The result is a ‘road-map’ that points to the beliefs, behaviour patterns, and themes that need to be changed for a strong and emotionally connected mother-daughter relationship and a strengthening of all your relationships.

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The books I picked & why

Book cover of The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Rosjke Hasseldine Why did I love this book?

Mothers are too often blamed for their children’s and adult daughters’ problems. I regard Paula Caplan’s book as the quintessential text on understanding how patriarchy blames mothers and how mother-blaming harms mothers, women, and the mother-daughter relationship. Paula exposes the myths surrounding motherhood – revealing that there is no such thing as a “perfect mother.” 

By Paula Caplan,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The New Don't Blame Mother as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

First Published in 2000. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.


Book cover of The Silent Female Scream

Rosjke Hasseldine Why did I love this book?

Patriarchy has silenced women for generations, and in my first book, I uncover how women have been taught to “play nice” and be “care-givers” rather than “care-receivers.” Uncovering women’s emotional reality, I expose the culture of female service and how no one is looking after mothers, not even mothers themselves. This book provides exercises to help women claim their voice, needs, and rights in all of their relationships.

By Rosjke Hasseldine,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Silent Female Scream as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

"The Silent Female Scream" teaches "how to believe that as a woman you have the right to be heard, valued and respected, and to know that anything less is just not okay." Through case studies and discussion, the author exposes that women's sense of self-worth and entitlement to speak their needs, especially in relationships, is an area that feminism has ignored to its peril. By looking at the legacy of emotional silence that many women have inherited from long before grandmother's day, she warns that emotional silence damages the mother-daughter relationship, women's relationships with themselves and each other, and their…


Book cover of When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

Rosjke Hasseldine Why did I love this book?

This was one of the first books I read about the mother-daughter relationship and it helped me understand what was going on between my mother and I. Victoria Secunda outlines the types of behaviours or playbooks that mothers and daughters engage in and how these behaviours harm their relationships and provides helpful suggestions on how to improve their relationship. 

By Victoria Secunda,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

“A book of great value for every daughter and every mother; useful for sons, too.”—Benjamin Spock, M.D. 

From the Introduction:
The goal of this book is to help readers achieve that separation so that they can either find a way to be friends with their mothers, or at least recognize and accept that their mothers did the best they could—even if it wasn't “good enough”—and to stop blaming them. Among the issues to be covered:

• To understand how a daughter's attachment to her mother—more so than her relationship with her father—colors all her other relationships, and to analyze why…


Book cover of Motherless Daughters

Rosjke Hasseldine Why did I love this book?

Losing your mother is devastating especially when a daughter is young. I’ve found that Hope Edelman’s book is a go-to book for daughters who have lost their mother and for daughters whose mother may be alive but unable to emotionally connect. Loss comes in many forms and this book helps daughters on their healing journey.

By Hope Edelman,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Motherless Daughters as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Ask any woman whose mother has died, and she will tell you that she is irrevocably altered, as deeply changed by her mother's death as she was by her mother's life. Although a mother's mortality is inevitable, no book had discussed the profound, lasting, and far-reaching effects of this loss- until Motherless Daughters , which became an instant classic. Twenty years later, it is still the book that women of all ages look to for comfort and understanding when their mothers die, and the book that they continue to press into each other's hands.Building on interviews with hundreds of mother-loss…


Book cover of Liberating Motherhood: Birthing the Purplestockings Movement

Rosjke Hasseldine Why did I love this book?

I like this book because it is well-researched and reveals the politics of mothering. As Vanessa Olorenshaw notes, “mothers’ rights are the flotsam left behind on the ocean surface of patriarchy.” This is a must-read book for all mothers and daughters because the women’s movement has yet to prioritize the rights of mothers to not be the world’s caregivers.

By Vanessa Olorenshaw,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Liberating Motherhood as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

If it is true that there have been waves of feminism, then mothers’ rights are the flotsam left behind on the ocean surface of patriarchy. For all the talk of women’s liberation, when it is predicated on liberation from motherhood, it is no liberation at all. Under twenty-first century capitalism, the bonds of motherhood are being replaced with binds to the market within wage slavery and ruthless individualism. Mothers are in bondage – and not in a 50 Shades way.

Olorenshaw is clear: When mothering is on our terms, it can be liberating. The time has come for a radical,…


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The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

By Kathryn Betts Adams,

Book cover of The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

Kathryn Betts Adams

New book alert!

What is my book about?

The Pianist's Only Daughter is a frank, humorous, and heartbreaking exploration of aging in an aging expert's own family.

Social worker and gerontologist Kathryn Betts Adams spent decades negotiating evolving family dynamics with her colorful and talented parents: her mother, an English scholar and poet, and her father, a pianist and music professor. Their vivid emotional lives, marital instability, and eventual divorce provided the backdrop for her 1960s and ‘70s Midwestern youth.

Nearly thirty years after they divorce, Adams' newly single father flies in to woo his ex-wife, now retired and diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Their daughter watches in disbelief as they reconcile and decide to live together again. She steps in to become her parents' eldercare manager when her mother’s condition worsens, facing old family dynamics and disappointing limitations to available services. Throughout, she attempts to help her parents maintain their humanity in their final years.

The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

By Kathryn Betts Adams,

What is this book about?

Grounded in insights about mental health, health and aging, The Pianist’s Only Daughter: A Memoir presents a frank and loving exploration of aging in an aging expert's own family.

Social worker and gerontologist Kathryn Betts Adams spent decades negotiating evolving family dynamics with her colorful and talented parents: her English scholar and poet mother and her pianist father. Their vivid emotional lives, marital instability, and eventual divorce provided the backdrop for her 1960s and ‘70s Midwestern youth.

Nearly thirty years after they divorce, Adams' father finds himself single and flies in to woo his ex-wife, now retired and diagnosed with…


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