The most recommended books on empathy

You can trust Pinky McKay. A Lactation Consultant with decades of experience who has worked with thousands of parents, there’s not a baby problem that she hasn’t encountered and solved. This compassionate book covers the many reasons baby may be crying and is loaded with solid, kind, useful, practical advice to help frazzled parents soothe their precious bundles. Importantly, it also has baby feeding information you can trust. Written with bite-size ideas so that tired parents can read it in five-minute chunks if they choose, Pinky’s empathy for babies and parents can be felt on every page.

This picture book for elementary-aged students is a great one because it helps shift the focus of ADHD as a “deficit” to a potential strength. I’m a big believer in educating children with ADHD and executive functioning about how their brain works differently, which can sometimes be a good thing! This book can be read to students with or without ADHD and includes a page of discussion questions to build awareness and empathy for students with ADHD.

The author is a mom and clinician herself and based on clinical best practices has written a lovely rhyming book to help young children deal with boundaries and bullies in a way that is accessible for younger readers. Ideal for school, daycare, and clinical settings. As a parent of an empathic child, I found this book an easy way to introduce the concepts of self-worth and appropriate relationships. If you have a child that is experiencing bullying or needs to set boundaries at school, then this book is an excellent addition to your library.  

I loved the thought of the world ending while a cop decides to spend his final hours solving a mystery. The plot kept me hooked from the get-go, and I enjoyed the contrast of society falling apart around the protagonist while he doggedly pursues the murderer.

The sense of frustration and isolation made this a page-turner.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) have more active mirror neurons, which means they can more acutely sense other people’s emotions. I have found that my empathy can be a tremendous gift, but without the right tools, feeling others’ energy can be draining. I enjoyed that Dr. Orloff’s presented a comprehensive toolkit, particularly for navigating relationships at home and work. This book isn’t a one-time read. It’s the type of book you reference and revisit over time. 

I loved reading this book to my kids, who were immediately drawn into the heartbreaking story of Judith, a girl with Down Syndrome, who was separated from her twin sister, Joyce, and institutionalized for many years. This separation led to great pain for both sisters, until decades later, when Joyce brought Judith home, and enrolled her in an art program for differently-abled people. Slowly, Judith flourished, going on to become an artist of renown, with work displayed in museums and galleries around the world. 

This tremendous story, of the bond between sisters, the therapeutic value of the creative process, and the potential for creating meaning and joy through artistic expression, helped my very young children develop empathy for and a deeper understanding of differently-abled people.

Every now and then you learn as much from a 40-page picture book as you do from 300 pages of text. This was my experience with Lunch From Home.

The author of this book has equal footing in the cookbook-as-memoir realm as the picture book realm, and this book meets at the intersection of those two worlds. It tells the story of four children (who would go on to become professional chefs) who each experience “lunch box moments,” wherein their non-sandwich lunches receive scrunched noses from their classmates.

I have since learned that this experience is commonplace within immigrant communities. Reading this book with my kids increased all our capacities for empathy and understanding, and in just 40 pages – many of which have no text! This book is a master class in delivering a uniquely human insight simply and effectively.

The insights in this groundbreaking book apply across the board, from social and family life to interacting and managing others in organizational life.

What factors are at play when people of high IQ flounder while those who are more modestly endowed succeed? Goleman argues that the difference is Emotional Intelligence, which, as he explains, comprises empathy, effective social skills/communication, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation.

I’ve watched too many of the allegedly best and brightest, tough-minded executives flame out because they failed to rein in emotional impulse, read others’ feelings, or handle interpersonal relationships. The skills are learnable, and in today’s asymmetric, hybrid, matrixed organizations, they are essential for success.

Sandefer, a foster mama herself, wanted to give other foster parents words of comfort to give to their own hurting foster children. Love You From Right Here does just that. Kids in foster care have had so many choices taken from them. I love how this book gives some back. Sandefer has created a place where children can see another child’s agency protected and cared for, where the adult invites (instead of forces) and the child responds when he or she is ready. Sandefer’s story does a beautiful job of illustrating that trust and safety aren’t to be rushed, but developed through patience, kindness, and empathy. Kids and adults need this book.

I read Jory Fleming's book in just one day, profoundly moved by his insights as the first autistic Rhodes Scholar. This book explores an issue that my patients encounter each day: Namely, how to navigate the nuances and complexities of a world that is designed for neurotypical brains.

Jory’s approach to emotional understanding and social interactions has inspired me to approach life with greater empathy and curiosity, examine the limitations of neurotypical thinking, and further explore the richness of the autistic experience. This book isn't just enlightening; it's a heartfelt reminder of the strength in our differences and the pressing need to bridge those differences with understanding.